[Late afternoon in the United States Senate Chamber. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is addressing the room.]
Mitch McConnell: “…therefore, we all agree that President Donald Trump has the handsomest and firmest buttocks in Ameri… Lindsey, are you eating a cookie? You’re going to ruin your supper!”
Lindsey Graham: “Fuck off, Mitch. It’s not a cookie; it’s a Newton! Besides, what does it matter? We all sold our souls to the devil and that bloated cheeto* has dirt on us all!”
McConnell: “I say I say, how dare you insult our Dear Supreme Leader…”
Graham: “He calls you ‘Mitch the Bitch’ you know.”
McConnell: [Sputters Southernly]
Rand Paul: “Dammit, Lindsey! Are those my fuckin’ Newtons!?”
Graham: [stuffing more Newtons in his mouth] “No. Fuck off.”
[Paul tackles Graham. McConnell tries to reestablish dominance by inflating his neck wattle but is ignored. The rest of the Senators join the fracas.]
[A package of Nabisco Newtons appears on screen along with new tagline.]
Voiceover: “Fuck off. It’s a Newton!”
Singout: ♬ Na-bis-co! ♬
End.
*Used generically to annoy Frito-Lay.
