I imagine the guys who refuse to wear masks are the same guys who refuse to wear condoms.
Perhaps we should rebrand COVID-19 as Air AIDS.
Earlier, I considered rebranding COVID-19 as Death Breath, but that sounds like something that could be cured with a mint.
And originally, I thought we could change the Coronavirus’ name to Lung Gonorrhea, because Gonorrhea is one of the most awful-sounding words out there, but then I remembered that lung cancer is a very real thing but that doesn’t stop smokers from smoking. Until it does.
Sharing makes you cool and everyone will love you.
(Note: It’s actually “alterative juice”, but I’m sticking with alternative juice because it amuses me.)
If you got syphilis, yo, this’ll solve it. Alternative juice will prolly dissolve it.
Seen at a North Star Auction preview in Bismarck, North Dakota. Alas, I did not win it the next day.
Let’s check out these Succus Alterans Alternative Juice ingredients! According to Wikipedia…
“Stillingia sylvatica was used by Native Americans for syphilis and as a cathartic, diuretic, laxative, and emetic. In large doses, it causes vomiting and diarrhea.”
Smilax ornata (sarsparilla) “was a popular European treatment for syphilis when it was introduced from the New World.”
Phytolacca Decandra (pokeweed) is poisonous and was used for skin diseases, rheumatism, weight loss, mumps and arthritis.
Lappa Minor’s (lesser durdock) larger cousin, Arctium lappa, was used as “a diuretic, diaphoretic, and a blood purifying agent” as well as a cancer, skin condition and cold/flu treatment.
Xanthoxylum carolinanium (Hercules’ club) is also known as the “toothache tree” or “tingle tongue” and was used to treat toothache.
Who needs orange juice with a delightful concoction like this!
Think about it — This ad’s style is ripe for parody.
I’m a narcissist…
so make it all about me.
Everybody’s doing smack…
And I’m willing to shoot some up,
but cocaine’s my bag.
I don’t eat bananas because potassium is cool.
I buy them because they look like bright yellow penises.
Trivia: “Brio” appears to be Italian for “vivacity”, which isn’t exactly the manliest of words. Continue reading →
Sharing makes you cool and everyone will love you.
