EXT. OUTSIDE AT A CITY BUS STOP – DAY
A bus pulls up and its doors open. Inside it is a handful of riders scattered throughout the bus. In the back sits a stressed-out Sam Jacobs.

VO (Steven Wright):
Talk about luck of the draw. Other fellas you hear about got themselves angels, demons or even talking rabbits that only they can see and hear and talk to, but not Sam. Oh no, not good ol’ Sam. You see, Sam is blessed with a giant, talking sperm floating above his head that everybody can see and hear. Everybody, that is, except for him.

Understandably, this complicates his social life.

Hi. My name is Mister Spunky Whipperschmidt, and this is our story…