At a Starbucks:
“VENTI VENTI VENTI!!!”

Buying a toilet at Lowe’s:
“WHY DO I HAVE TO BUY THE WHOLE SEAT IF I ONLY NEED THE EDGE!?!?”

At the ballet:
“YOU CALL THAT A PIROUETTE!?!?”

Deer hunting with his pals:
“IT MUST HAVE SMELLED US!!!”

At a funeral:
“SHE’S IN A BETTER PLACE NOW!!!”

At a ski resort:
“AVALANCHE!!! ANOTHER AVALANCHE!!!”

Discussing the weather:
“IT’S NOT THE HEAT!!! IT’S THE HUMIDITY!!!”

In the kitchen:
“MY SOUFFLÉ!!!”

At the proctologist:
“MY BOWELS ARE ALREADY SHAKING!!!”

In space:
“………………..!!!”

At a public library:
“I HAVE AS MUCH RIGHT TO BE IN HERE AS EVERYBODY ELSE!!!”

Calling the family cat in at night:
“MISTER WHISKERS!!! MISTER WHISKERS!!! HERE KITTY KITTY KITTY!!!”

Checking on his children at midnight:
“ARE YOU ASLEEP!?!?”