Ok, we have a few scenic stops mentioned in this ad, but sadly, no travel brochure. I guess we’ll just have to settle for the Internet.
The Ruins of Mitla
The Catacombs of Guanajuato. Bring your mummy.
The Valley and Hills of Monterey
Hmm… Monterey is in California, but there is an Monterrey in Mexico. Quite lovely.
Ok, not gonna lie… This trip would be amazeballs. That’s a good thing.
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Bone shards:
Lincoln Logs were invented by John Lloyd Wright, son of architect Frank Lloyd Wright. The first set came with instructions to build 1) Abraham Lincoln’s boyhood home and 2) Uncle Tom’s Cabin.
“Interesting playthings typifying the spirit of America.”
The last five letters in “Playskool” are considered to be a “sensational spelling” of “school. SENSATIONAL SPELLING. It’s a thing.
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Bone shards:
Before they were Astaires, Adele and Fred were Austerlitzes.
Adele Astaire was Fred Astaire’s older sister. A year after this ad, she hitched up with Lord Charles Arthur Francis Cavendish, the second son of Victor Cavendish, 9th Duke of Devonshire, and became Lady Charles Cavendish. Also, she was more talented than Fred.
“Can’t Act. Slightly Bald. Also Dances.”
“enormous ears and bad chin line”
— Notes from Fred Astaire‘s RKO screen test
Have you ever seen an actual bandwagon?
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Bone shards:
Street cred? This car had it.
Oldsmobile’s Rocket engine was kind of a big deal.
The voice of Rocket in the Marvel Guardians of the Galaxy movies is Bradley Cooper.
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Bone shards:
The version of Mountain Dew that you’re probably more familiar with didn’t come around until 1940. Also, one of its early lines was “It’ll tickle yore innards.”
A version of this is still sold in Cameroon and the Ivory Coast.
A Sanderson’s Mountain Dew promotional knife can be yours for only $139.95.
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Bone shards:
Some very interesting words are used to sell this amazing product. My apologies in advance if you are a Victorian hypochondriac.
Alterative — a drug used empirically to alter favorably the course of an ailment
Deobstruent — having the power to clear or open the natural ducts of the fluids and secretions of the body
Scrofula — a condition in which the bacteria that causes tuberculosis causes symptoms outside the lungs
King’s Evil — (AKA scrofula) a tuberculous swelling of the lymph glands, once popularly supposed to be curable by the touch of royalty
White Swellings – a swelling seen in tuberculous arthritis, esp. of the knee
Scrofulous — refers to scrofula, or figuratively, morally contaminated and corrupt
Indolent — lazy or slothlike, or a problem that causes no pain, or is slow-growing and not immediately problematic
Mercurial — characterized by rapid and unpredictable changeableness of mood
Neuralgia — a stabbing, burning, and often severe pain due to an irritated or damaged nerve.
Tic-Douloureux — a severe, stabbing pain to one side of the face
Goitre — (you might know this as “goiter”) a swelling of the thyroid gland that causes a lump in the front of the neck
Bronchocele (swelled neck) — impacted mucoid secretions within the bronchial tree
Tetter – any of various skin diseases, such as eczema, psoriasis, or herpes, characterized by eruptions and itching, or possibly ringworm for old-timers
Biles — either something having to do with your bile/liver/gall bladder, or going back even further, either of two bodily humours, one of which (black bile) was thought to cause melancholy and the other (yellow bile) anger
Carbuncles — a skin infection that often involves a group of hair follicles. The infected material forms a lump, which occurs deep in the skin and often contains pus.
Dyspepsia — indigestion
Dropsical Swellings — (AKA edema or dropsy) swelling caused by fluid retention
Don’t you feel smarter (and a little bit sicker) now?
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…make a pantsuit!
Bone shards:
A mini-history of Dalton.
Here’s more than you probably wanted to know about palazzo pants.
Trevire — Finally, a replacement for that dreadful crimplene!
Timothy Dalton was the fifth actor to portray James Bond. Or maybe the sixth. Seventh?
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That’s right. Femineered.
Bone shards:
Monica and Rachel had an International Harvester refrigerator on Friends, and it appears to have made somebody with same fridge a tad grumpy.
The plant where International Harvester made its refrigerators and air conditioners used to build P-47 Thunderbolts.
Wow! You’re strangely excited about refrigeration! Ok, here’s a history. Now settle down.
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Bone shards:
Winston sponsored NASCAR’s elite division with the Winston Cup series from 1971 to 2003.
Winston was once the world’s best selling cigarette until it was bumped by Marlboro in the 1970s.
Fred and Barney used to smoke Winstons.
Some science about chest hair.
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Bone shards:
Working with flour can be explosive.
“I’ll grind his bones to make my bread.”
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