Category Archives: product!

Unboxing a perk from Klout and Bravo’s Top Chef

Although I’m still a bit hurt and whiney from this week’s new Klout algorithm plummeting my Klout score to unfathomable depths that will surely give me the bends, I did receive a package from them that made things a skosh better.

Apparently, I yap enough about my gastronomic adventures to qualify as a foodie, so this week a package arrived in my Bismarck, North Dakota mailbox from Bravo’s Top Chef via Klout. Big props to the folks that made the creative packaging decisions, because they made the unboxing procedure extra spiffy.

Here, I’ll share the experience with you.

What a lovely red box, alerting my neighbors that I’m ordering body parts through the mail. Continue reading

Hamblor, the god of hamburger lies.

Hardee’s / Carl’s Jr. recently had Hamblor, the god of hamburgers, create their ultimate Steakhouse Six Dollar Burger with all the flavors of a steakhouse, one hundred percent black angus beef, crispy onion strings, A.1. Steak Sauce and crumbled blue cheese.

They said it was glorious.

What I received says otherwise.

Beware of polytheistic fast food, my children.

Truth in Advertising, part 3,405,392: Taco Bell’s Chicken Flatbread Sandwiches Commercial

Most of us know that many commercials use a healthy scoop of hyperbole to help get their messages across. For example, Axe products will get you instantly laid by a flock of cheerleaders, a Lexus will transform you into a highly sophisticated person, Nyquil is tasty, and so on.

Fast food marketing is especially dependent on hyperbole, and to a certain extent, we’ve come to expect it. However, sometimes the distance between perception and reality is so great that it can only serve to disappoint. Yum! Brands’ Taco Bell has perfected this technique, and to demonstrate it, see if you can tell which one of the following images from Taco Bell’s Chicken Flatbread Sandwiches commercial wasn’t actually in the commercial. Good luck!

Not quite Mr. Clean.

Well, SOMEONE has to clean up all those damned grease splatters from the George Foreman Grill!

It was fine until I got to the red pubic hair.

Shaun White-flavored gum by Stride.

Adventures in Truth in Marketing, part 4,319: Nongshim Bowl Noodle Soup — Spicy Seafood

Hmmm. Looks delish!
Feast your eyes on that gigantic lone shrimp and delightful tentacles!
Ooh! And it’s “Endorsed by Professional Chefs” too!
This is going to be the best lunch ever!
Continue reading

For the modern man who wants to smell of gas and failure.

Hummer by General Odors.

Someday, the new fragrance by Justin Bieber — Now with extra labia!

Bottle design by the ghost of Georgia O’Keeffe.

Starbucks has officially run out of adjectives.

Mmmm… Roasty.

Let’s be frank.

The language of marketing can be lush, intricately woven and beautifully descriptive.

It can also just beat you over the head with boneheaded redundancy.