Category Archives: jus’ some writin’

a toast

May your hearts all fill with love, hope and thrills.
May your dreams turn real and your past wounds heal.
May you find your voice and find cause to rejoice.
May evil turn frail and may goodness prevail.
Skål!

“Well, that sucked.” — The Other Side of Branding

It’s happened to most of us at least once.

You’re at home watching television or some of your favorite skateboarding ferret videos on YouTube when a commercial comes on. It’s a pretty good commercial. It gets your attention and, after watching it, you form a positive opinion of the product and/or service it was advertising. In this instance, let’s say the ad was for a restaurant chain. The staff was friendly, the food looked great, the atmosphere seemed inviting and everybody seemed to be having a great time.

Hooray! The advertisement has worked and thanks to you forming an opinion, you are now part of the glorious branding experience. Continue reading

12 Important Subdemographics for Millennials

You hear a lot of talk about the Millennial Generation (“Generation Y” to those who don’t know how to spell “Millennials”) these days, and a lot of it is damned confusing. Well, to make matters even more confusing, did you know that there are thousands of subdemographic categories for these precious little snowflakes? Here are twelve of them: Continue reading

Let me tell you about this guy named Wayne.

Some thoughts on KK BOLD Chairman Wayne Kranzler and his impending retirement that took me way too long to write about.


Wayne Kranzler, circa 1997.

The year was 2009. It had been decided that our ad agency, Kranzler Kingsley, was changing its name. During one of the rounds in the process, a group of us met in the conference room to go over some of our ideas. During the exchange, our art director chimed in and suggested we should change our name to just Kranzler, because that’s what most people called us anyway.

This was true. That is, except for one vender who occasionally called us Kranzley Kingsler, because that was the way he was.

Of course, there was no way in hell we were ever going to become Kranzler (or Kranzley Kingsler), so we eventually became KK BOLD.

The Kranzler is implied.

Wayne Kranzler, our agency’s President, then CEO, then Chairman, is retiring this week, and I have been lucky enough to call him my boss for almost eighteen years. He isn’t just the type of guy you want to work for; he’s the type of guy you want to work with.

Here’s an example. Spring 1997. I had been hired as a copywriter a month or two earlier. We were a day away from our agency’s biggest film production to date. Our producer was on maternity leave. The account executive had just gone on vacation, but not before giving us a multi-day schedule that she had arranged with our healthcare client. The film crew was coming in from Fargo. Since I had done a little broadcast work at my previous gig, I was brought into the project.

Wayne and I walked over to meet with the client that day, as they were located pretty close to where we worked. We walked into her office, sat down, and Wayne asked if everything on the schedule was still a go or if anything had changed since our account executive had last talked with them.

“What schedule?”

Nothing had been arranged. Nothing. We were supposed to be shooting air ambulances, surgeries, baby deliveries and emergency room reenactments the next day and nothing had been arranged.

Needless to say, the walk back to the agency was interesting. That was the first time (and the only time) I saw Wayne get mad. Not in front of the client. Not at me, even though I was in convenient proximity. That boy was steamin’. But when we got back to the agency, we got some people together, formulated a plan and we got to work. And we pulled it off. We did the impossible. It became known as the Medcenter Miracle.

That day, I realized I wasn’t just working for a suit with a fancy title. Hot damn. I was working for an honest-to-God leader.

And I’ve been working for him ever since. That is, until this week is over. Dammit.

Getting a Wayne project was almost always awesome, and I’ll tell you why. He did his homework and was able to tell us what we needed to know. And when we came up with a concept that went beyond the norm or the client’s comfort level but still did what it was created to do, by God he sold it. He got it and he sold it.

Some of my favorite agency projects were Wayne projects. Main Street Tire’s first campaign with a Neanderthal concept. Fireside’s 25th anniversary with a disco concept. BMDA’s igloo ad with a… well, igloo concept.

When you worked on a Wayne project, Wayne let you shine. And if you weren’t shining, he worked with you until you did. Wayne knew the difference between shit and Shinola, and he made sure you did too.

When there were changes, they were small and never just for the sake of change. And when he didn’t know something, he didn’t make up an answer; he found out the answer. He was thoughtful and smart and good-humored and honest and I will sorely miss him at the agency.

What I’m about to say I’ve said before but I’ll say it again.

Wayne, you proved to me that respect and integrity can survive in this business. Thank you for that, and I will do what I can to ensure that your influence keeps shining on.

Now go enjoy that retirement of yours, because you’ve more than earned it.

And excuse me for a moment, as I seem to have something in my eye.

— Clayton Hove

111 Things Tea Party Republicans Are Against

NOTE: This list is by no means comprehensive but covers the current bulk of grievances, gripes, grumblings and other things that trigger hissy fits. Continue reading

When Poets Sell Out — 7 Shameless Examples of Product Placement in Poetry

There are more than a few people who bemoan the proliferation of product placement in today’s entertainment world, but unbeknownst to them, this is not a recent phenomenon. For centuries now, highly respected poets have turned themselves into blemished bards by skillfully plopping a brand into their work in exchange for a bit of money (or a decent bottle of absinthe). After a bit of research, I have found seven blatant examples of this foul practice that you might not have noticed back in English Lit class. Continue reading

Life is like a box of odd-toed ungulates.

Me from 2009.

My 1999 prediction for the first Apple wearable — Qwerto!

Note: Back in the 90s, I did a few slogan and jingle contests on my agency’s website and also created the scenarios for each season. What you will find below was one of them. (I hope to have the rest of them preserved here in the near future.)

The PAW! World’s Worst Slogan Game Scenario Number Seven: Project Qwerto

It’s been another run-of-the-mill Monday morning at the ol’ advertising agency. You promptly showed up for work three hours late and have settled into the daily grind of creating marvelous, cutting-edge ads for your admiring roster of global clients. And a small black and white print advertisement for the local babushka factory.

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Just a thought.

Imagining the Chantix commercials if they were required by law to have the actors act out the Chantix side effects.

12 Easy Steps to Really Shine with Social Media

Over the last three months, many exciting and status-quo-shattering advances have taken place in social media: Google’s new sentient social algorithms, Facebook’s beta Extra-Like button and Twitter’s premium 141st-character option, to name but a few. This article will teach you how to best exploit these new opportunities for dynamic social media mastery in only twelve easy steps.
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