Back in 1925, an advertising phenomenon was born with the Burma-Shave highway sign campaign, eventually rhyming its way across America and up to the number two brand/sales position for brushless shaving cream. Since then, Burma-Shave’s legendary star may have fallen, but the time is right to hit the information highway and resurrect this legendary product and campaign for the short attention spans and precariously erratic grooming habits of the Internet age. Myself included.
So without further ado, here’s 21 brand-spanking-new Burma-Shave rhyming-type poems to get things rolling again in 2010:
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The Internet / Is pretty neat / But fuzzy faces / Shouldn’t tweet / Burma-Shave
Your Facebook friends / Look rather dapper / Your whiskery mug’s / Straight from the crapper / Burma-Shave
Originally made / For stubbly faces / We’re also good / For private places / Burma-Shave
Check your email / Your DMs too / The Grizzly Adams / Look is through / Burma-Shave
Wedcam video’s / Unforgiving / We’ll help you fake / The way you’re living / Burma-Shave
You look like a hobo / Sad but true / We bet you’re using / MySpace too / Burma-Shave
Wondering why / You get no texts? / Your scratchy whiskers / Leave her vexed / Burma-Shave
If social media’s / Your prime obsession / Don’t forget the joys / Of a make-out session / Burma-Shave
If you shave yourself / We guarantee / She’ll be all over you / Like Nintendo Wii / Burma-Shave
Your beard is patchy / Just like mange / Modern ladies / Want a change / Burma-Shave
Your five-o’clock shadow / From networked games / Will shoot your love life / Down in flames / Burma-Shave
Your avatar / Gets all the whistles / Your real-world self / Grows piggy bristles / Burma-Shave
Letting it go’s / A misdemeanor / So shave a heart shape / Above your wiener / Burma-Shave
The disheveled look / that hipsters like / Is why they’re told / To take a hike / Burma-Shave
Goths and emos / Dressed in black / A fresh-shaved face / Brings sexy back / Burma-Shave
Electric razors / So 2.0 / But the mighty blade’s / The way to go / Burma-Shave
Athletes know / To avoid disaster / A total shave / Will make them faster / Burma-Shave
An open mind / A daily lather / Much better than / That troll tweet blather / Burma-Shave
I’ll admit / I’m often scruffy / That’s why I’m single / And not with Buffy / Burma-Shave
Growing beards / Like God intended / Leaves the ladies / Quite offended / Burma-Shave
Shaggy’s love life / Was a yawn / But Fred and Daphne / Got it on / Burma-Shave