[Late afternoon in the United States Senate Chamber. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is addressing the room.]

Mitch McConnell: “…therefore, we all agree that President Donald Trump has the handsomest and firmest buttocks in Ameri… Lindsey, are you eating a cookie? You’re going to ruin your supper!”

Lindsey Graham: “Fuck off, Mitch. It’s not a cookie; it’s a Newton! Besides, what does it matter? We all sold our souls to the devil and that bloated cheeto* has dirt on us all!”

McConnell: “I say I say, how dare you insult our Dear Supreme Leader…”

Graham: “He calls you ‘Mitch the Bitch’ you know.”

McConnell: [Sputters Southernly]

Rand Paul: “Dammit, Lindsey! Are those my fuckin’ Newtons!?”

Graham: [stuffing more Newtons in his mouth] “No. Fuck off.”

[Paul tackles Graham. McConnell tries to reestablish dominance by inflating his neck wattle but is ignored. The rest of the Senators join the fracas.]

[A package of Nabisco Newtons appears on screen along with new tagline.]

Voiceover: “Fuck off. It’s a Newton!”

Singout: ♬ Na-bis-co! ♬

End.

*Used generically to annoy Frito-Lay.